BACK SELF MADE MANIAC
1997 Mantra Recordings MNTCD 1009

1:   One Thing  2:   Guilty Deafness  3:   Somewhere Else  4:   Fiction Of Life  5:   All I Wanna Be  6:   Down By The River  7:   Another Toy  8:   60 Seconds  9:   Foxhole 10:  Control 11:  Stop It All Adding Up 12:  Bothered

1: One Thing

Aagh no, what do you think I'll do now?
In front of me, right in my face
You just tore it up and threw it out

I know, that you wasted time on me
I wasn't blessed with social graces then
So you'll have to rely on honesty

Thinking back has left me one thing
Knowing I wouldn't want a time machine
it's better keeping all my dreams in
Than seeing how it really reads
I've got cool rain running in
I've got fools rain coming in
You've got no shame from where you've been
You must have scrubbed all night to get that clean

Biting, so what am I supposed to do now?
Just quietly sit and watch you gnaw your way through our insanity

You don't listen to a word I say
You're too busy remembering the broken promise
That lies so many years away

Looking back has left me one thing
Knowing I wouldn't want a time machine
it's better keeping all my dreams in
Than seeing how it really reads
I've got cool rain running in
I've got fools rain coming in
You've got no shame from where you've been
You must have scrubbed all night to get that clean

I've got cool rain running in
I've got fools rain coming in
I've got cool rain running in
I've got fools rain coming in

Aagh no, what do you think I'll do now?
I know, that you wasted time on me
Biting, so what am I supposed to do now?
You don't listen to a word I say


2: Guilty Deafness

You look like you've got something to say
It must be bad if you've come all this way

But I don't wanna hear it I've got guilty deafness
I couldn't take all that from you
The last time you came here you left me breathless
I couldn't take much more of you

You look like you've found something thats big
The kind that the papers would lose on what they'd bid

But they don't wanna hear it they've got guilty deafness
They wouldn't take all that from you
The last time you paid them you made them restless
They couldn't take no not from you

I've got her on one side, you on the other
Somebody help her she needs her mother
She's shaking you out of my tree, out of my tree

I've got you on one side, her on the other
Somebody help her she needs her mother
She's shaking me out of my tree, out of my tree

I've got her on one side, you on the other
Somebody help her she needs her mother
She's shaking you out of my tree, out of my tree

I've got you on one side, one on the other
Somebody help her she needs her mother
She's shaking you out of my tree, out of my tree

I've got her on one side, you on the other
Somebody help her she needs her mother
She's shaking you out of your tree, out of your tree
She's shaking you out of my tree, out of my tree
She's shaking you out of my tree out of my tree

You look like you've got something to say
It must be bad if you've come all this way

But I don't wanna hear it I've got guilty deafness
I couldn't take all that from you
The last time you came here you left me breathless
I couldn't take much more of you
I couldn't take much more of you
I couldn't take much more of you
I couldn't take much more of you


3: Somewhere Else

Creeping over to you on a Saturday afternoon
I must have been ill I was early
Crawling along, I was seeing what had happened
Through last night it was nothing I assure you
Well it's time to place your bets
You better make sure it's a safe one
You could always answer no
I never smoked your cigarettes
I suppose you could say that's a safe one
Five miles down you'll never hear the attitude
Calm down I'd better go somewhere else, somewhere else

Falling over each other in the rush to get in their worth
it's so sad and it's boring
It's a shame we could focus all our powers somewhere else
Someone nice someone caring
But it's all been said before
Still nothing ever changes
We're still hunting out for more
I never meant to cut you short
I wasn't capable of anything
Five years on you'd never hear that attitude
Calm down I'd rather be somewhere else, somewhere else

Well it's time to place your bets
You better make sure it's a safe one
I could always answer no
I never understood what you meant
When you said she'd hang on every syllable
Five years on I've never seen the attitude
Calm down, I'd like a bit of gratitude
I only came here for a bit of solitude
But right now I'd rather be somewhere else, somewhere else

Crawling over to you on a Saturday afternoon
I must have been ill I was early
Creeping along I was seeing what had happened through last night
It was nothing I assure you

On my bike, up the glen
In the sun, round the bend
Having fun, playing games
In the rain, in the lakes
At the gig, watch the stage
From the crowd, in the clouds
Going down, eating in, but ha, not with you


4: Fiction Of Life

I've been expecting a breakout from a cage full of rage
But I, haven't got the time to hold them back with my Flak jacket
I've become a self made maniac
I have seen the bloodstains on the track
They were left when someone had to go from their flow trouble

Time, has taken all he had, there's nothing left inside
He's got to run or hide
He's got a mountain on his shoulder
He's not getting any younger
He's got to put his problems in his past
He's got to face up to the fictions of life
The fictions of life, fictions of life

He phoned the number to help his state
But it was engaged, bless him
So he chose a different route to help make the pain lessen

He become a self made maniac
He have seen the bloodstains on the track
They were left when someone had to go from their flow trouble

Time, has taken all he had, there's nothing left inside
He's got to run or hide
He's got a mountain on his shoulder
He's not getting any younger
He's got to put his problems in his past
He's got to face up to the fictions of life
The fictions of life

Time, has taken all he had, there's nothing left inside
He's got to run or hide
He's got a mountain on his shoulder
He's not getting any younger
He's got to put his problems in his past
He's got to face up to the fictions of life
The fictions of life, fictions of life, life, life
Fictions of life, life
Fictions of life


5: All I Wanna Be

There's a time when I wish there were no words for it
There's a moment when I think it's gone too far
When I couldn't get round to even think of it
I wish I hadn't taken this so far

But you said it
I never wanted to hear it
You knew I couldn't bear it
But still you kept on sharing it
I've got a fortified right to fear it
'Cause I know this time you mean it
If you ever place yourself near me
It's gonna rip my head apart

Cause, it's all I wanna be I realize I'm nowhere near it
It's all I wanna be but I still grab my chance
It's all I wanna see I see the gap but I won't clear it
It's all I wanna take it's in my reach but I can't feel it

It's never gonna be that way
Cause every time I'll do it my own way

Today I took a look at my possessions
Piled up in a room I didn't know
This morning I woke up with no discretion
I wish you hadn't taken it so far

But I said it
I wanted you to hear it
You took it in your stride
And now you're disappearing

Cause, it's all I wanna be I realize I'm nowhere near it
It's all I wanna be but I still grab my chance
It's all I wanna see I see the gap but I won't clear it
It's all I wanna take it's in my reach but I can't feel it

It's never gonna be the same
It's never gonna be that way
There's nothing I could ever say
'Cause every time I'll do it my own way
I've got a fortified right to fear it
'Cause I know this time I mean it
If I ever place myself near you
It's gonna rip my head apart

Cause, it's all I wanna be I realize I'm nowhere near it
It's all I wanna be but I still grab my chance
It's all I wanna see I see the gap but I won't clear it
It's all I wanna take it's in my reach but I can't feel it

It's never gonna be that way
It's never gonna be the same
You can pin me to the chair and make me stay
But there's nothing I could ever say
To prove to you that it's ok
It doesn't matter what you say
You can pin me to the chair and make me stay
But every time I'll do it my own way


6: Down By The River

Girls are walking with their mothers, shopping for clothes
Sons are sitting with their fathers, fishing for ideas in their souls

Down by the river, it's getting cold
Down by the river, it's getting cold
It's getting cold

The roads are stained, it seems impossible, impossible to clean
The oil and the salt mix to a shiny, shiny gleam

Down by the river, it's getting cold
Down by the river, it's getting cold

But it won't stop the bastards trying
And it won't stop the people from dying
But it won't stop the bastards trying
And it's all because of you
All because of you
Because of you

Girls are walking with their mothers, shopping for clothes
Sons are sitting with their fathers, fishing for ideas in their souls

Down by the river, it's getting cold
Down by the river, it's getting cold

But it won't stop the bastards trying
And it won't stop the people from dying
But it won't stop the bastards trying
And it's all because of you
All because of you

Down by the river it's getting cold
Down by the river it's getting cold
Because of you
Down by the river it's getting cold
Down by the river it's getting cold


7: Another Toy

When I'm gone and you are broke, you will find another toy
When I'm broke and you have gone, you will find another toy

The wind was cutting in so well, I covered up my ears
The rain was going through me like a knife
It was taking every inch of warmth I had in me
I was shaking like I'd never in my life

When I'm gone and you are broke, you will find another toy
When I'm broke and you have gone, you will find another toy

I'm always staring at my watch when I'm there with you
I think I've bitten off more than I can chew
I think it's one thing I'll never get to learn
If you ignore advice you'll end up getting burned

I've got no time for me, so I've got no time for you
I've got no time to walk along and try and think it through
I've got no time for me, so I've got no time for you
I've got no time to walk along and try and think it through
I've got no time for me, so I've got no time for you
I've got no time to walk along and try and think it through
I've got no time for me, I've got no time for you
I've got no time to walk along and try and think it through

It wouldn't be so bad If I was a million miles away
I could have come back to live another day
I might have even heard you trying to explain
But with you I'll never get to see another day

When I'm gone and you are broke, you will find another toy
When I'm broke and you have gone, you will find another toy
When I'm gone and you are broke, you will find another toy
When I'm broke and you have gone, you will find another toy
You will find another toy
You will find another toy, toy, toy, toy, toy, toy, toy, toy, toy
You will find, you will find, you will find another toy
You will find another toy, you will find another toy

When I'm broke and you have gone, you will find another toy
When you're broke and I have gone, I will find another toy
Another toy


8: 60 Seconds

60 seconds what could happen now?
He could end up going down
60 seconds what could happen then?
He could end up changing again
He was dreaming softly in his bed
He woke to find a gun at his head
He heard them say "Now don't move a muscle
You'll still be breathing in the morning bustle"

60 seconds what could happen then
He just goes to work again
To make up for the things that they damaged
They lifted everything that they could manage

They're not scared of consequence of hammers
They'll have your things no matter what happened
While they're outside loading the truck
You know they'll never give it up

60 seconds now he's had enough
He's sick of people calling his bluff
He's seen them tearing everything apart
It's time to change them into something that doesn't
Doesn't, doesn't, doesn't

Walk talk, eat sleep, blink drink, hit shit, lie die
Shy fly, age rage, care share

You took his house and fucking rifled it
You've made your bed now fucking die in it
He's been so good for you,like surviving a crash to you
You've been so bad for him, like finding lost cash to him
Like finding all he needs, all he needs

60 seconds what could happen now
He could end up going down
60 seconds what could happen then
He could change into something that doesn't
Wake to find a gun at his head
After dreaming softly in his bed
He wouldn't be the one moving a muscle
'Cause he's changed into the something that doesn't
Doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't

walk talk, eat sleep, blink drink, hit shit,lie die
Shy fly, age rage, care share
Scream gleam, piss kiss, lust fuss, hate shake
Love shove, smoke choke, hear fear, care share


9: Foxhole

I had a dream last night, I remember I had a daughter
But I was scared to leave you alone all day with her
I know what you're thinking, it's a bit too harsh to come from me
How could anyone have that problem with someone like you
I'm sorry did you think I liked you?

How are you feeling?
Does it make your spine curl up with shame
To think that we thought of you as a person not to blame
But now it's plain to see all those fists you gave behind closed doors
We're no longer private secrets, when you boasted of your thoughts
Was she thankful for that day?

He was being cruel to be unkind
Now the stains have washed away, he's got nothing bad left to say
That doesn't mean that I would like him now
He'd be stupid to think he'd get away with what had scarred someone so deep inside

So nobody's caring
So when was the last time that affected him
He hasn't got a constructive thought inside his head
But still he keeps on digging, but the only way he's digging is down
So now are you happy in your new foxhole?
Are you thankful for this day?

He was being cruel to be unkind
Now the stains have washed away, he's got nothing bad left to say
That doesn't mean that I would like him now
He'd be stupid to think he'd get away with what had scarred someone so deep inside

Did you think you were safe dug in your new foxhole?
I'll be thankful for that day
We never imagined he could be that way
Our first impressions had no trace

He was being cruel to be unkind
He never thought that he would look behind
Now the stains are here to stay
They're never gonna be washed away
'Cause he was being cruel to be unkind

Did you think you were safe dug in your new foxhole?
I'll be thankful for that day
We never imagined he could be that way
Our first impressions had no trace

This is just a feeling, correct me if I'm wrong
But did he have to walk away from the crimes that stained him?
Now he'll have to wait, like on an empty station
Maybe change his name or find a new vocation
So nobody's caring, when was the last time that affected him?
He hasn't got a constructive thought inside his head
But still he keeps on digging, he says he's sorry, it'll never happen again
Are you happy stuck inside your old foxhole

Are you happy in your old foxhole?
Are you happy in your old style mould?
Are you happy in your new foxhole?


10: Control

Don't try and make yourself hate him
He tried that one with you
He ended up just hating himself
And more in love with you

You'll have to learn from all his mistakes
The brain can lie but your heart will never fake

He's been rushing around
Grabbing all he can find as quickly as he could
'Cause he knew you would
When he saw that distant look, he had to say goodbye
'Cause he knew you could

People say that he's a bastard, that's an unfair use of words
When I don't know what was going on, no, I never really heard
Why don't you wake up to what he's got
Do you have the time to find out if he's lost control?

There's no point in hanging around
If happiness can't be found, you'd better go
He never stopped to ask you why
He never had to try, well he was wrong

Why don't you wake up to what you want and listen to his lines
'Cause what you two have been going through has happened many times

I've never seen you taking any prisoners, but I've seen you weep
Yeah, I've seen you apologizing, but thats not gonna work with me.

I've heard you're telling everybody what you've done to him
But that doesn't add up to a sorry and it's not gonna work with me

He's been rushing around
Grabbing all he can find as quickly as he could
'Cause he knew you would
When he saw that distant look, he had to say goodbye
'Cause he knew you could

Why don't you wake up to what he's got and stop filling him with lies
'Cause what you two have been going through has happened many times
It's happened too many times


11: Stop It All Adding Up

You shouldn't have it
It's taken me far too long to hide it from you now
You should keep it, such a precious thing to give away
You found it easy to break in through these walls I thought I'd built so well
But not so easy for my head to turn and find you there
Are you running from the same dogs that are snapping at my heels?

My heels have been chewed up so much lately, that it's hard for me to stand up
I have taken every precaution to stop it all adding up, adding up

They shouldn't have it, it's been built up to something nowhere near
I wish that it was creeping up on them, filled up with fear
But no matter, no matter how fast I go, I'm never as fast as slow
I found my feet getting tangled in the traps you laid so well

Are you running from the same dogs that are snapping at my heels?
My heels have been chewed up so much lately, that it's hard for me to stand up
I have taken every precaution to stop it all adding up, adding up

Do you remember when she asked me if I was ok
If I had anything to say?
We looked at each other in disbelief
We fell over laughing at her feet
She's treading an unforgiving path
That will never take her back
Do you think that put her in her place?
Do you think she saw the answers on my face?

You shouldn't have it
It's taken me far too long to hide it from you now
You should keep it, such a precious thing to give away
You found it easy to break in through these walls I thought I'd built so well
But not so easy for my head to turn and find you there
Are you running from the same dogs that are
Are you running from the same dogs that are
Are you running from the same dogs that are snapping at my heels?

My heels have been chewed up so much lately, that it's hard for me to stand up
I have taken every precaution to stop it all adding up, adding up
My heels have been chewed up so much lately, that it's hard for me to stand up
I have taken every precaution to stop it all adding up, adding up


12: Bothered

If you had a million people watching you, would you make the same old blunder?
Well I wonder, yes I wonder
If I could put the words in writing, would you ever come out fighting?
Well I wonder, yes I wonder
There's a question I yearn to ask, but I'm held back by the past
I've asked you once before and I'll ask once more
I usually stay tucked up in bed when that question hit's my head
Well I wonder, I think I'll leave it
I wanna stop this aggravation, I can't soak in anymore information
Sponge is full, my sponge is full
All the time you were breaking the rules
All the time you were making a fool
Out of me, out of me
I've trained my eyes to put aside but the glances I receive are coming true
No thanks to you, no thanks to you
I wanna say something nice to you, I wanna put it straight but it isn't happening
I'll have to concentrate, or is it far too late?
'Cause I'm treading on very thin ice with you
The cracks are zig zagging their way over
Caving in, caving in
I've tried to understand your feelings
I've watched you clambering up the ceiling
Not getting through, you're not getting through.
I'm just watching your reaction with the sweetest satisfaction
I'll pass it on, I'll pass it on
If you wanna shovel it up come on keep it coming, don't give up
I've had worse to deal with than what you've come up with
If you had a million people watching, would you make the same old blunder?
Well I wonder


BACK